The Official Salvage Vanguard Theater Blog

So, back in December I had the honor of being asked by Ballet Austin to be Mother Ginger in the Nutcracker, joining the ranks of such local celebrities as Kirk Watson, Lance Armstrong, Robert Rodriguez, and more. How completely cool! I had finally made it!

So, my gig was a matinee for 3rd-graders, making it even more of a “hey I’m doing something really special for my community today” kind of thing. I picked up my daughter Piper from school so she could be backstage for her daddy’s big moment. And away we went–and only five minutes behind schedule.

Ballet Austin had arranged for all the Mother Gingers, who, I will remind the reader, are all volunteers, to have a extra-special parking space right in front of the theater. Now, if you’ve ever tried to park on the UT campus, you know that having reserved parking is pretty much a must. And having it right in front of the building means that you don’t have to waste time hunting down a parking space. Which means that it’s okay if you’re five minutes late.

So, I pull up to the intersection to make a right to go to my special parking spot when a campus cop stops me and tells me I can’t go there. “But I’m Mother Ginger,” I say.

He says, “I don’t care who you are, you can’t drive down there.”

“But I have a special parking space.”

“Look, you can’t drive down there.”

“Seriously, I’m running late. Ballet Austin told me to park there.”

“Do you have proof that you can park there?”

I didn’t. He told me to park in the garage two blocks down.

Now, to park there would have meant that I wasn’t going to make it to my entrance. So I decided to pull around the cop, park in the special spot, and get the Ballet Austin staff to vouch for me, figuring that that would take care of that.

How wrong I was.

Indeed, the Ballet Austin staff vouched for me, but the guy told me that if I walked in the theater without giving him my license and registration, he’d cuff me in front of my daughter. I couldn’t believe it.

So, I gave him the info he needed and he gave me a ticket that required me to appear in court. Not a traffic ticket or parking ticket, but some other kind of ticket for which I needed to make a plea to a judge.

Long story short, I appeared in court this morning. I was so stressed out that I was on the verge of tears–I couldn’t even talk to the judge without my voice breaking. It was weird.

Anyway, the judge decided that while I was technically guilty, I had also acted within reason. So, while the maximum fine could have been $500, he slapped me with the minimum, $1, and 20 hours of community service for a nonprofit. Fortunately, I’ve put in thousands of hours of community service with this little nonprofit theater company I work for, so I got off pretty well, I guess, other than the total stress of having to go to court.

Oh yeah, and I was convicted of a Class C Misdemeanor (Failure to Obey an Officer of the Law), so now it’s on my record and I’m a convicted felon.

The moral: don’t do anything nice for kids unless you plan to pay for it.

This is photographic proof that LB can shout at children like nobody’s business.

Today we performed part of The Intergalactic Nemesis at a school assembly at Bryker Woods Elementary. The kids were so adorable, coming in and sitting down. From age 5 (man those kids are teeny!) to age 12 or so. We were hanging out in the teachers’ lounge, remarking on the surprising lack of ashtrays that we remembered from our innocent youths, realizing the teachers had to hide behind the bushes across the street if they wanted to get their smoke on. And imagine their embarrassment when they’re sighted by one of the kindergarteners going “Mommy, what’s Mr. Smith doing behind the bushes?” The scandal!

I mentioned to the cast that from my own experience with my daughter that little kids don’t know what sarcasm is. They just think you’re being serious and a little angry. But poor LB has been rehearsed in his role as the sarcastic announcer. And, oh my, I foolishly didn’t rehearse with him before the show.

The assembly starts; 350 kids patiently waiting for something to happen. And LB gives a masterful performance–if the audience were full of adults. But the audience isn’t full of adults and on top of that, there’s a pocket of kids who seriously don’t know how to take instruction. LB tells the kids to count down to radio silence and not say “one”. The first time of course, a bunch of kids say “one” anyway. It causes a mild uproar. LB gets everyone’s attention again and this time we all figure they’ll get it right. But they don’t. Just as many kids mess up. And it’s distracting. Like the kids won’t calm down. Poor LB is hung out there to dry. Does he continue on this path or move on? You can tell the wheels are spinning. LB decides to continue. Definitely a mistake. Lee and I are backstage (in the hallway outside the cafeteria) looking at each other hopelessly. A bunch of kids shout “one!” The cafeteria is a flood of noise, almost uncontrollable. It’s time for LB to move on. But… he doesn’t! He tries again. After the fourth time, we’re all wondering if we’re going to be able to keep their attention through the show. The teachers are looking annoyed. Will there be a midget riot?

But fortunately, LB figures it out. These are little kids. There’s no way they’re all going to get this one right. So, he moves to cheering, which the kids get perfect and then, smartly, doesn’t run it all together. But by that point I, for one, was sweating a little. This was going to be a tough crowd!

We performed two episodes, with a really cute commercial for the Bryker Woods carnival coming up, and then that was it. Thank god.

The teachers we talked to were polite–they told us we did a good job. But would they invite us back?

A bunch of kids came up after and asked how they could get tickets. That was pretty hilarious (and nice).

Tomorrow, Buzz and I go into the classroom with 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders to teach them sound effects. That’s going to be better. We’ll take it slow. And skip the countdown.

So, today was my day to deal with contracts, marketing, program copy, and tech riders for our tour. Gee whiz, I’m completely overwhelmed. Just keeping track of who needs to get what is enough, but then I found a mistake in our contract, so I’ve had to email all of our presenters to let them know that no, we won’t be bringing our own programs. And then I discovered that we needed to make a whole bunch of changes to the tech rider (which is totally embarrassing and amateurish). So, I guess you live and learn with this stuff. But now, I think we’re all set. So I hope the show keeps touring for the next five years or something so that we can take advantage of this steep learning curve we’ve been climbing.

Also, I’ve gotten more than $230,000 of grant applications out for the SVT space and in the past two weeks have helped host two major fundraising dinners. Who knows, maybe we’ll actually get to build this thing!

I’m not getting a vacation this year, but I’ve already decided that I’m taking a month next summer!

So today we performed at St. David’s Episcopal Church as part of a showcase of artists on the Texas Commission on the Arts’ touring roster. This was pretty cool for a few reasons:

1. We are one of only 100 groups in Texas to be put on the TCA touring roster, and this in the first year that we’re touring!

2. I thought that maybe 6 people would show up, but the room was packed and…

3. They all seemed to love it and a bunch of people expressed interest in presenting it, which totally rocks!

4. Buzz and I talked a little bit about some ideas I had to bring the audience even more into the experience of the show and I think we’ll incorporate those into the Hogg gig, which I’m totally pumped about.

5. Graham mixed it up with organ and piano and it sounded great!

6. The sound guy was really good, too.

Only 21 days until that show at the Hogg. Whoooo hooo!