What sarcasm means to a six-year-old
Published by Jason // August 28th, 2006 in It's All About The Nemesis, UncategorizedToday we performed part of The Intergalactic Nemesis at a school assembly at Bryker Woods Elementary. The kids were so adorable, coming in and sitting down. From age 5 (man those kids are teeny!) to age 12 or so. We were hanging out in the teachers’ lounge, remarking on the surprising lack of ashtrays that we remembered from our innocent youths, realizing the teachers had to hide behind the bushes across the street if they wanted to get their smoke on. And imagine their embarrassment when they’re sighted by one of the kindergarteners going “Mommy, what’s Mr. Smith doing behind the bushes?” The scandal!
I mentioned to the cast that from my own experience with my daughter that little kids don’t know what sarcasm is. They just think you’re being serious and a little angry. But poor LB has been rehearsed in his role as the sarcastic announcer. And, oh my, I foolishly didn’t rehearse with him before the show.
The assembly starts; 350 kids patiently waiting for something to happen. And LB gives a masterful performance–if the audience were full of adults. But the audience isn’t full of adults and on top of that, there’s a pocket of kids who seriously don’t know how to take instruction. LB tells the kids to count down to radio silence and not say “one”. The first time of course, a bunch of kids say “one” anyway. It causes a mild uproar. LB gets everyone’s attention again and this time we all figure they’ll get it right. But they don’t. Just as many kids mess up. And it’s distracting. Like the kids won’t calm down. Poor LB is hung out there to dry. Does he continue on this path or move on? You can tell the wheels are spinning. LB decides to continue. Definitely a mistake. Lee and I are backstage (in the hallway outside the cafeteria) looking at each other hopelessly. A bunch of kids shout “one!” The cafeteria is a flood of noise, almost uncontrollable. It’s time for LB to move on. But… he doesn’t! He tries again. After the fourth time, we’re all wondering if we’re going to be able to keep their attention through the show. The teachers are looking annoyed. Will there be a midget riot?
But fortunately, LB figures it out. These are little kids. There’s no way they’re all going to get this one right. So, he moves to cheering, which the kids get perfect and then, smartly, doesn’t run it all together. But by that point I, for one, was sweating a little. This was going to be a tough crowd!
We performed two episodes, with a really cute commercial for the Bryker Woods carnival coming up, and then that was it. Thank god.
The teachers we talked to were polite–they told us we did a good job. But would they invite us back?
A bunch of kids came up after and asked how they could get tickets. That was pretty hilarious (and nice).
Tomorrow, Buzz and I go into the classroom with 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders to teach them sound effects. That’s going to be better. We’ll take it slow. And skip the countdown.
I for one found myself trying to edit the script as we read. Kids don’t know what a conservatory is and I couldn’t really figure out where ’shut up’ landed on the vulgarity list. When I was in elementary school, you couldn’t say it and were encouraged to use ‘hush up’ instead. Apparently ’shut’ is much more crass that ‘hush.’
I also remember having a jaw clench during the description of Castle Kraadmoore being ‘hellish’ and ‘demonic’ and the source of ‘devil’s work.’ Don’t get me started when we went into the details of how Mysterion was going to execute Timmy and Ben by making them think the phrase “I am dying” over and over again. I guess it’s just my background in teaching theater for kids and the number of incident reports I’d have to do when a parent thought that a particular tongue twister I’d taught had too many death references. Or it could be because I went to an elementary school where Charlotte’s Web and Animal Farm were taken off the shelves because they had talking animals with human-like vocabularies— which was considered Satanic in Shreveport.
No complaints for The Roly Poly Puppy, however. That was just cute Satanism.
Who arranged the performance for Bryker Woods? Anyone want to try something for Maplewood? Simply wondering if the kids there would benefit from some SVT.
I arranged that, Julie. And, pending the performers’ availability, I’d be happy to try to do the same at Maplewood. Do you have anything to do with that there?